Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Come on in and take your pants off
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