I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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