she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
