My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
