i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I love having hate sex.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
