So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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