You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
