You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
We smell like vodka and hangover
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