If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
