Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
