i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize