I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
