i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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