She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
