That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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