I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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