I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
