This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
