So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
