Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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