Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
