mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
