Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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