Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
