I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
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