Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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