if i died would you start the facebook group?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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