we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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