she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
