I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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