nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
