Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
