i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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