I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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