nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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