I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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