Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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