Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
