She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
