He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
