so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
high people should be assigned attendants
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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