My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
