I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
