Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
