May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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