your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
