the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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