Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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