Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
