they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
