I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
