glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
