Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
