Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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