R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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