someone get that fucking seahorse.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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