Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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