you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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