You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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