my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
