I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
