I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
