We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
