sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
