Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
