I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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