last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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